GURU BOB: THE HAMSTER OF HOPE

Bob is the second hamster/roommate to take up tenancy in the boy’s bedroom of our two-bedroom flat. The thing that concerns me about this latest hamster is the truth he shows me about my day-to-day existence…I’m a human hamster…but with less energy. Like me, Bob is extremely sleepy during the day, stirring occasionally and only moving to and from his food bowl. This is all carried out with his eyes closed, as are mine, before quickly scurrying back to bed. Any unexpected sounds throw us into a state of frozen fear – the slightest movement might give us away at any moment. I run (ran) a few miles on the treadmill each week, Bob does the same in his wheel and THAT IS IT. We come to life at around 10pm and just cannot sleep at night. I realised this was beyond ridiculous when (yes, everything that came before this point was not “penny dropping”) I started having conversations with Bob, asking how he was doing and what he reckoned about life and the point of existence. This was on the occasional weekend when the boy was away. There was only one thing for this…YouTube. I could no longer hang around a hamster cage – he was getting fed up with me. I could tell. It got to the point where he’d rustle and stick his head out JUST enough to see if I was out there. If I was he’d retreat stealthy. Knowing how he feels as I exercise that EXACT strategy when exiting my flat so as not to encounter any neighbours, I left him in peace.

Back to YouTube. NFL motivational videos left me feeling limitless and enthused about the possibilities that were in my reach. Life coaches and successful entrepreneurs filled my feed as I nodded and felt excited about reaching an unprecedented and revered level of fulfilment and success. So, by the time I meditated, beautifully made my bed, took that freezing cold shower, washed my hair with a Croydex rubber hose whilst bent over the side of the bath, dried and straightened my hair, moisturised, did my make-up, sprayed on my perfume, opened up the laptop to get cracking, I had to go and lay down. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was kidding myself. I could never become a billionaire with a routine like that-there was no time. In my 24-hour day, I’d spend more time getting ready and unready than anything else. This was nuts. Bob goes from scruffy to fabulous in ten minutes. It dawned on me that I was being extremely offensive by comparing myself to this incredibly successful hamster. If he were human I’d be watching HIS “how to” YouTube videos whilst drinking coffee and silently contemplating a vegan lifestyle. The main difference between myself and Bob is that he works in construction and is a pro parkourist (that MUST be a word) – he’s the foreman and handles his business every day without fail. That whole area of life is where I WISH I could compare to Bob. Well, that and his fearlessness and enthusiasm for exploration. Jumping into his hamster ball, he clocks up F1 speeds, hitting into walls, doors and furniture (we all do that, though). I know he remembers the location of the walls and the doors because he navigates his way, from memory, like a pro. You see, he’s also a revered scientist in this household – he aims for those walls with purpose. I believe he will push the boundaries of physics and break through the wall one day. That or he hits the wall so hard that his ball breaks and he does a runner. Like me, he just wants to break free. I’m not sure what would happen to us if either of us managed to, but I’d bet someone else’s money (I have none) that he’d make it and be spectacular. So whilst I’m not like Bob in all ways, I’m about halfway there. So, I’m going to implement Bob’s daily practice with the expectation of succeeding beyond my wildest dreams. However, I am going to have to dream it first because I need a nap. Our pets come to us to show us all aspects of ourselves – where we succeed and where we need to do a bit (or a lot) of recalibration. Either way, they bring us laughs and we roll our eyes at them and we love them. That’s how we should treat ourselves.